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  • Writer's pictureMonica B. Staley

This Feels So Big, but I Was Made to Do This.

It’s been almost 9 months since I blogged here… coincidence?!

As I write, I’m 32 weeks pregnant with our first children. Yes, twins!

Even though it’s been a long time, get ready for a powerful message: If what you’re going through (in wellness or otherwise), seems so big, know that you were made to do this.

Back story: We TTC (“tried to conceive” P.S. the world of infertility is the world of abbreviations!) for 16 cycles. We were diagnosed with “unexplained infertility.” We’d already been poked & prodded, but a few options remained. It wasn’t the most likely option, but it seemed the simplest and I was tired but eager. So, we decided to undergo 3 medicated IUIs at my regular OB clinic.

If you’re wondering what this post is doing on a health & wellness website blog, please stay with me!

I’m leaving out a whole bunch of medical details and emotional ups & downs, but we ended up conceiving with our second IUI procedure. I was 35 at the time, and for the first time in my life, I saw 2 pink lines. I could hardly believe it. Especially since I was testing a bit early, to actually just see if I could enjoy some sparkling beverages at our small, COVID Thanksgiving celebration the next day.

I suspected twins & apparently so did my husband. He later reported because I was just getting so big so fast! But I’ll never forget the moment when Baby B popped up in my 8-week ultrasound. I do not use the Lord’s Name in vain. But I’ll tell you, “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!” is all I could say. Then I texted my husband (he couldn’t be there because of COVID), and his response was even more colorful. We were scared, excited & grateful.

Fast forward to the beginning of my second trimester, oh wait, we found out a few weeks after that first ultrasound that we were having a little boy & a little girl! God, you’ve just really outdone Yourself; we feel so blessed. Around March (again skipping a lot here, like our little boy isn’t growing as well as our little girl, having Hypothyroidism in pregnancy stinks, etc.), we sold our cute little house for a bigger one out west a little bit, in the Minneapolis suburbs.

I’ll just give it to you, here: There have been moments of craziness for me in pregnancy. Compulsive list making, compulsive reading & research, paralyzing worry, doubt, fear. All of it.

Yes, we moved, my husband got a new job & we’ll deliver our first children in the same four months; pretty sure you’re not supposed to do all that in one year, but my anxiety level has been dangerous at times. Like last week, when I had a complete breakdown.

It all just feels so big… getting our new house ready, their nursery ready, ourselves ready, delivering two babies, nursing two babies, raising two babies… My poor, wonderful & patient husband! I simply lost it.

But today, I came across a thought: I’ve wanted to be a mother for a long, long time. We’ve thought about this, prayed for this, there was a time when getting pregnant was all-consuming. Now it’s almost here, and I’m too… scared?! Heck no.

This Feels So Big, but I Was Made to Do This.

Here’s the relevant piece of this blog post if you’re on a wellness journey: It might feel like a really big “to do” to get healthy, to get well, to feel better. But trust me, YOU WERE MADE TO DO THIS! You were. You absolutely were.

Do I recommend nutritional products that help & support my wellness clients & their goals? Yes. Do some clients also take advantage of my health coaching & accountability? Yes. But you, YOU, have everything you need to achieve a change in your wellness (or any other life-altering change) if you simply will not stand for anything less than this outright truth: You were made to do this!

Experience this truth, know this truth, live in this truth… and nothing can stop you. Does knowing this truth make all my fears & doubts completely disappear? No. But it makes me brave, excited & ready even if I don’t have every answer. I have me, and I was made to do this. In moments of doubt, together let’s repeat & believe: I WAS MADE TO DO THIS!

{If you’re on the journey to grow your family, I’d love to connect with you. I can share how I supported my body nutritionally the month we conceived, I can pray for you, I can hold space for you. Twins generally come early, your guess is as good as mine, but I’d love to support you if I can. Feel free to email me:}


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